Feckless & Reckless - Vick Turpin, a Moste Dastardly Wench

Vick Turpin, Highwaylady  

Upon the Oxford Highway
A darkling figure sped
Two gleaming flintlock pistols
And hair of flaming red
She cried, "Stand and deliver!"
To travellers poor and rich
For she was Slick Vick Turpin
The sticky fingered bitch

She danced & she pranced
    And she scampered all around
And she jiggled and she giggled
    And she fell upon the ground
And sang, "I'm Slick Vick Turpin
    The Lady Outlaw
I steal from the rich
    And I thieve from the poor!"

She rode a steed named Black Bob
She wore a velvet mask
She'd gladly take a banker's cheque
You only had to ask
You'd give her what she wanted
Your money or your life
Or she might take your jewel purse
With a rusty butter knife

She danced & she pranced
    And she scampered all around
And she jiggled and she giggled
    And she fell upon the ground
And sang, "I'm Slick Vick Turpin
    The Lady Outlaw
I steal from the rich
    And I thieve from the poor!"
  
This vixen loved the danger
She was feckless, she was reckless
She relished fine-cut diamonds
And the occasional pearl necklace
For if you were fair looking
Though very far from rich
She'd happ'ly steal your love away
Then dump you in a ditch

She danced & she pranced
    And she scampered all around
And she jiggled and she giggled
    And she fell upon the ground
And sang, "I'm Slick Vick Turpin
    The Lady Outlaw
I steal from the rich
    And I thieve from the poor!"  

The lawmen finally caught her
One snowy morn in March
And thence to Tyburn Gallows
In front of Marble Arch
They roped her to the scaffold
And stood her on a stool
The hangman said, "Repent your crimes,
Don't die a sinning fool."  


She said, "My name is Slick Vick Turpin,
    The Lady Outlaw,
I've thieved from the rich,
    And I've stolen from the poor,
But I have no regrets, fine sir,
    And I shall die today!"
The hangman said, "Well, fair enough,"
    And kicked the stool away  

So she danced & she pranced
    And she jerked all around
And she jiggled and she wiggled
    For she couldn't touch the ground
And her face went blue
    Her eyes popped from their sockets
And she pissed in her pelmet
    And she shat in her pockets  

    She was Slick Vick Turpin
        The Lady Outlaw
    She stole from the rich
        And she thieved from the poor
    She rode that roaring highway
        She mocked the King's good law
    Now she hangs there on the gallows
        And she'll hang for evermore
            Yes she'll hang for evermore  

© 2007